Aama Odisha ~

a literary e-Magazine which aims at encouraging budding writers to explore their creative flair and providing them with an outlet to showcase their writing talents. At the same time, we are dedicated towards emanating knowledge and creating an ambiance of positivism, spiritualism, love, peace, and harmony.

It's birth ~

It was started by a group of young people from different professions and interests who used to meet online and chit-chat with one another in a community named "Aama Odisha" in the social networking site Orkut. Surprisingly, though none of those persons were associated with literature in any major way, their chit-chat ended up at this truly creative literary endeavour.

The journey so far ~

It has been a learning process since our inception and we have kept growing with each edition. There have been some glitches here and there but by God's grace, we have always been able to overcome them, each time. So we may all endeavour to cherish and keep alive our rich and noble language and culture and let us keep helping ourselves to make this purpose a success!

She’s there




vakul mohanty 
The author is a student of Engineering at BiTS-Pilani, Hyderabad 



A blanket of morbid gloom enveloped the city. The clatter of a light drizzle broke the eerie silence that haunted me. I stood at the balcony, leaning precariously over the railing, with a cup of coffee keeping me company as my thoughts wandered. I gazed hollow eyed into the space, purposeless, numb, and lost. Remorse, guilt, self loathing tore me apart. 
I guess my oldest memories of her are buried, obscured by the passage of time. But I remember more than I have forgotten. I had to remember, for the memories were all that was left of her. She had left this world of laws and boundaries for the tranquility of haven. 
The memories are obscured by the mist of time. Distorted and buried under a pile of trivial thoughts. I vaguely remember that on cold stormy nights I cuddled against her, like a frightened rabbit. Her calm voice mumbled caressing words, sweeping away my fear. I remember frolicking around her, running around her legs in an attempt to catch her attention when she was pre-occupied with her work. A spark of irritation lit her eyes, yet an understanding smile played on her lips. Patient, infinitely patient. I remember those lovely afternoons when I slept with my head on her lap listening to stories of ethereal places, immortal heroes and grotesque monsters. 
I drifted off into blissful sleep. The stories she told have long since slipped from my grasp, yet I remember the strange serenity I felt then, a serenity I would never again experience. 
Among the confused jumble of memories the memory of the last time I saw her stood out in clear contrast. It was a hot sweaty day of mid July. The happy chatter of my family and friends filled a small corner of the vast airport. Why wouldn’t they be happy, I was kicking off my kiddo shoes and venturing into the world with a promise of achieving something great. Amidst the chaotic ambience I sat with my mother in a corner cut off from the rest of the world. We huddled close together, hand in hand in the airport far from the torrid heat of the sun and gazed at the runway. A smile played on her lips. Her voice calmed me as we spoke of my future. A future far away, a future filled with thorns and a few roses, obscured by the fog of time and space. She said nothing of her pain - the pain of parting. Yet it was evident. The signs were hidden, yet were in plain sight. Had I not been looking for them I would have missed them. She kept muddling up words now and then. Her voice was strained as she tried to hide her anxiety under a cloak of happiness. Her bright eyes were clouded with concern. It was as if she was lost in thought, physically beside me but far away…far far away. A strange tension seemed to radiate from her. It didn’t manifest itself in any way but I felt it. She didn’t loath the fact that I was leaving, she knew it was inevitable…one day I would let go of her slender figure and walk the wilderness of the world alone; the knowledge however didn’t mitigate her anguish, after all she was my mother. I felt her anguish and as I left to board my plane I mouthed my promise over the noise and confusion of the crowd: “I will return mother, don’t cry, I will be back...”- it was a promise I never kept. 
A year passed in an avalanche of work. I had little to say in those brief conversations with her, I spoke of my struggle and strife and nothing else, like a narcissist, obsessing over my failures and triumphs. The little time that I got with her over cyberspace was spent in recursive discussions about my work and life. In my relentless pursuit of success I forgot about her pain and anguish. And during all that time not a single cry of protest echoed through space from my mother, she buried her anguish and egged me on, consoling me in my failure, commending my success and forgiving my narcissism.  
I stood dumbstruck when I got the tragic news, the phone slipped from my hand and clattered on the floor. It was as if time and space froze, forever stuck in that one moment. I stood staring at the whitewashed wall, as if turned to stone. The dam of emotion broke and a profound grief engulfed my miserable existence. Tears flowed from my eyes and a void filled my chest. 
I lay my hands on her cold ones and looked at her serene face. I had failed to keep my promise. I wasn’t there in her moment of need, I was never there for her. Her pain, her anguish was her own. She bore the burden without a single protest and at the same time eased mine as well. 
I had failed. But she kept her silent promise, the one she had made to herself years ago, the one she had whispered into my ear so many years ago in that delivery room. In life and in death she was there for me. I felt her warm gaze upon me as I stood there in the gloom. I felt her touch in her hands, guiding me out of the pit of despair…her sweet voice whispered into my ear “ Son I love you, I forgive you”… a warmth bloomed in me filling the cold empty void inside… I couldn’t help but smile. 
A single tear of gratitude rolled down my cheek and lost itself in the rain… 

Kalaamayi Kalaahaandi




LOVE REVOLVES AROUND




Anurag Kumar


The wind kept brushing against his face; it was getting difficult for him to keep his eyes open. But even with eyes closed, images from the past kept popping up before him and he felt a sharp shooting pain in his heart each time. Traveling in buses always brought back memories; the memories that he had been fighting with all his strength but losing every single time; the memories which made him smile a few months ago, had now turned into nothing short of a torture. The bus was traveling way too fast but he was lost in his own world.
It has been long since we talked and the last words which I heard from you were “I am going from here”; there I stood lost, so weak that I could not even move my feet to stop you and neither did you bother to turn around. Your words echoed in my ears “you are such a selfish person, I should have listened to my parents, it was a huge mistake and I regret every moment spent with you all these 4 years." And you were gone forever. I waited and waited on but you never returned nor did you ever respond to my messages. Back then, I made a pledge to myself, of forgetting you forever. It pained, I cried and cried some more but all I got was only one answer, "you cannot forget her, you are not strong enough.” In the quest to keep myself away from your memories, I changed places and cut off with people around me but all my efforts failed. And I realised the bitter truth of my life that “you are gone like forever from my life and I have to live my life this way."
Just then, as he felt the first splash of rain on his face through the bus window, he awoke with a start, breaking up the thoughts. "I love you Udita,” he uttered in his mind as he looked out and closed his eyes again which were already filled with tears. It was hard on his part to tackle all this alone; neither could he pour out his pain to someone close. He did everything he could so as to get some relief from this ugly curse, but all efforts were futile.
Away from the cries and sorrow of his world, Udita was on a much propitious ride. "Finally life has been worth living for, thanks to God," was her facebook status, after she parted herself away from the person whom she called her love some 9 months ago.
"Words hardly matter and people tend to change in a span of days. I have had enough of sorrows and just can't afford any more. Life is a book of chapters. As we move forward, we need to turn the pages and close the previous chapter, not to be opened again," she reflected these words to herself, as the plane took off from Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose International airport.
Life has been generous to her; new college, new friends, no promises to be kept, no relation to be handled. She desperately wanted to make this come off and deliberately discarded a series of attempts by Aryan to change her decision. His pleadings were incorrigible for her now. “Nothing matters to me other than my studies and career ahead, I am very happy without you. That’s for sure,” she conveyed this in a discordant tone ever used by her. Everything in her life was taking shape like never before and she welcomed every joy with open arms. Relations were the last thing she wanted in her life right now.
On the other hand, Aryan was fighting grimly against pain each day; kept on changing places, wondering, in search of solace but with futility. He set ablaze the letters, the gifts, and a few shirts that she had gifted him. But nothing could erase her from his heart, she was unforgettable. She always made her omnipresence felt. Even to this day, he could smell her enchanting fragrance everywhere around him; but she was nowhere around. Slowly but surely, he was on the verge of losing a hard fought battle. But he had decided that whatever happens to him now, he would never let the girl know and so he had disconnected himself from every possible common chord between them.
Two years flew by and a lot had changed by now. Though the first few months were joyful for Udita but soon after, as the gloss started peeling off, she felt the void in her life by his absence. She was missing him dearly. But this situation was her own creation, for she dared to imagine her life without Aryan. She tried to contact him, but to her luck, Aryan had cut off every single thread between them.
Udita in one of her attempts to re-contact Aryan through email…..
20th Oct 2004
It has been 2 years since I had heard your voice. The last time you came to meet me, I had just walked away. I now feel the void in my life without you and realise how important you are in my life, but I guess it’s too late now.
It's not that I haven’t made a move on. I did, many-a-times. But I failed miserably each time. There are so many boys out there, but why do I always keep thinking about you all the time? Why do I see your face flashing on every other guy? Why?
You had just asked one thing from me, "be by my side.” But I never did value your feelings. And now without you, away from you, all these days are proving to be so agonising for me. I can't forget you, I just can’t.
Please come back into my life, Jaanu.
With this she pressed the 'send' bottom, but <The mail was not delivered> came the prompt.
She suddenly felt a sharp, acute pain stabbing her; tears kept flowing from her eyes as they turned red.
"Wherever you are, you know I love you...from my heart, I really do. I will be waiting for you. Whatever it takes, whatever's at stake, I'll always be waiting for you," she repeated these lines in her mind as she prepared herself for the haunting night ahead.
Aryan would soliloquise his pain and his thoughts in his diary. Some entries:
29th Nov, 2006
Udita is gone and she will never be back. I kept ignoring and overlooking the reality for almost 4 years now. Like passing clouds in the sky, her dreams brush me every other night; they are my only means to see her, to capture her cute smile; to cup her face with my hands, to feel her presence in my empty life.
But with each passing dream, a new hope arrives; a hope of her reappearance. With the desire to touch her, my eyes flick open; ending the journey mid way, only to find no one around. I scan everywhere around, gaping in disbelief, Udita is no more mine.
I have now accepted that she won't be coming back. But should we only love someone until as they love us back?
But did Udita ever love me? If she did, then how could love subside so drastically? If not, then why did she spend all those years with me? Why did she promise me so much?
Why did you go away Udita? Why have you left me alone? You knew that I am and will always be incomplete without you, yet you went away!
19th Dec, 2006
It had been over four years since I saw her last and things were falling into place. I had assumed my love to be one-sided and somehow had learned to live with my pain. But everything fell apart yesterday, yet again, when I saw her! Not in my dreams but in reality. And for a few minutes, my world got stuck!
She looked changed but beautiful as ever, spotless, smooth skin; her dimpled cheeks like the rosebud in spring, with a kind of unearthly radiance, and her big hazel eyes, bright as ever. Her lips even without any artificial gloss were shining. Her dress shimmered against her skin, her charm seemingly irresistible, she looked wonderful.
I was still lost in my thoughts when she approached towards me, and said, "Hi, Aryan!” Her voice was as soft as it used to be, but instead of responding, I just closed my eyes and walked away, leaving her standing there.
For all that I have gone through these years, I can’t let her know that I still love her, with all my broken pieces; that I feel myself incomplete without her; that I cry in pain for her every night. But I don't know why I walked away from her! I need her, I crave for her; yet I just walked away when she had come back!
Udita inks her thoughts in her diary today…
22nd Dec, 2011
Human emotions: the more one focuses, the more it deepens with every single thought. The sooner one realises its depth, the better for them. But the depth comes with its own set of complications and tangles.
When I had decided to leave him behind, things looked pretty simple ahead – an independent life, a new environment, new people and no questions to be answered. But with the passage of time, I realised that it was his togetherness, those silent talks, it was his love that I craved for the most; that my life was incomplete without him. But I had earned the pain all by myself. My immaturity and my headstrong impetuosity cost me the most precious person I had in my life – Aryan.
That day when I finally found out Aryan after four years, he did smile at me, but as soon as the pain I had inflicted on him dawned upon him, it faded away. And before I could express my feelings, he just walked away. I felt helpless as he turned back from me and walked away. With his behavior it reflected that he hated me, the reason being the obvious. The more his absence in my life haunted me, the more I realised what he must have gone through, when I had done the same to him, a few years back, with a crueler attitude.
I met him again, few days following our previous meeting, hospitalised and bandaged. As destiny would have it, the news in the paper, of an accident that a car had been brutally hit by a lorry would have skipped my eyes as another unfortunate news but the name of the car-driver got my attention and I ended up outside the I.C.U.
Doctors revealed that he had suffered severe head injuries and needed to be kept in there for the next 48 hours. The Almighty didn't let my prayers down; Aryan showed remarkable improvement and was soon shifted to the general ward. After six tough days, I gathered all my courage to face him, again. As I entered his ward, he gave me his usual characteristic smile, as our eyes met. But I saw it fade away, yet again, as the distance shortened. "How do you feel now, Aryan?” I asked him.
With a confused look written all over his face, he replied, "Sorry! But I don't seem to recognise you. Have we ever met before?"
His words struck me hard and before I could sense the situation or reply to his query, the attendant asked me to let him get some rest; he had been advised not to put too much stress. And then suddenly the doctor’s words echoed in my ears. I understood everything. With a smile, I answered him back, "We had met once at the airport before this accident. We will talk more about it, but now you need ample rest. I live nearby and would give you a visit soon. Till then, take rest and recover quickly."
“Thanks for the visit and for your concern. I don't know why your voice seems so familiar and very soothing.” His words faded in the background, “She seemed so concerned about me; I wish I could remember her...” as I left his room.
With heavy steps, I walked out of the hospital, wishing that the ground could swallow me inside. Was this destiny’s judgement for me? But one thing certainly came good out of this, that I was out of his life and memory, forever and he would never shed a tear for me again.
I left his world and never went back to him. Neither did I hear of him again. Perhaps destiny didn't want us to be together; on the bigger part, it washed me out of his life.
My love for him grew with the days following that incident; today is 22nd Dec, the day we had kissed each other for the first time. I remember him every day and miss him madly, but I guess now I have a much bigger reason to live my life. I realised I could never get over him, marriage was never an option and then out of the blues, an angel stepped into my life...
Maa
Udita closed her diary, and turned around to face her adopted son.
"Hey, what’s the matter dear?”
"I am feeling hungry,” he muttered rubbing the tiny little belly of his.
"Sure, tell me what would you like to eat?”
His face lightened up on seeing his mother agreeing to his request. Getting up from her chair, as Udita took him into her arms and moved out, mid-way through the dining hall, a huge quotation plate on the wall made the little child smile. His name was engraved with his mother’s – ARYAN and UDITA!